The Chameleon Complex

Many people look good but feel bad. They are chronically stressed, sad and anxious. They are lonely or disconnected in their relationships. They know something is wrong, but have no idea what it might be. They fear, “If you really knew me you wouldn’t like me.” For a long time I thought the same was true with me, and began to adapt or camouflage my behavior to suit the surroundings, not only was I fooling others around me, but also myself, and I became someone who I hardly recognized. Chameleons often behave so plastic, shallow, and two-dimensional that it is like witnessing an act. People wonder, who is this person really? I believed if certain things changed about me, then I would feel better, people would like me more, and I would not be hurt again.

Some people try to become attractive in a way they did not believe they were as children. They feel shame, so they chronically alter their true “colour” to protect themselves, and attempt to control the image others have of them. The advantage is feeling safe; the cost is lonesome suffering even while surrounded by people.